Chapter 8

It's been a few days since my system has been flushed out, the heaviness of my drug has left. I have to admit I'm feeling a lot better. My body is no longer weighed down with the guilt and sadness as it was before, some still remains, but now I can deal with a clear conscious. They said that there would be a psychological dependence on it, but I feel fine. Maybe because I have pushed myself over to not care about it already? I don't know, I just don't seem too bothered by it as of now. Though for the next week or two I still need to check in with the doctor here. For other people who might look at drugs as their lifeline, I just looked at it as something to ease the pain. Some people can slip through life ignoring the pain, but I'm going to go ahead and bite the bullet.

Being here has allowed me to gain a few acquaintances from other people who are getting clean. I met a couple today who have been in here talking my ear off. I'm surprised they haven't woken up my parents. Speaking of which, they are here. Dad apologized to me, so did mom. They told me everything will be okay, which I have no doubt of, but it's nice to hear. Only now being better has made me realize how much physical strength I lack. No wonder I could never fight anybody off, even a 5 year old is stronger than I am. That's pleasantly sad, plus I am also in a weakened state as of right now.

So now it goes for figuring out what move I will make next, It will probably have to do with school sadly. I'll most likely switch majors if I can, if I can't I'll just try and clean up what mess I have already made. For now, it's just rest.

____________________________________________________

Chapter 7

The day had come where I ran out of my poison, that day marked when I had to go to rehab. It had been a few days since I was nearly disowned by my father, no contact from my family only because I asked Lucian to keep my phone and not give it to me. If anything I'd rather deal with them after this is over, I don't want them seeing or hearing from me again before I actually go through and do this. Hopefully after this I can get back on a road of not being miserable. It's been a very long time since I have been, apart from when I'm high, though that doesn't count.

These past days have consisted of crying,heroin,and silence. I'm waited for the moment to come when Lucian would snap on me too, but he never did. He had told me that what I did was okay and that he couldn't ever be in a position to judge me on what I'm doing and what all happened to me. Him saying that gave me some ease, but I worry that he could snap on me. Those days he watched over me and made sure I was okay, he hasn't left the apartment even once.

The rehab facility was beautiful and gave out a calming vibe with the more modern features. That's most likely what most of these places aim for, this is the first one I have been to, so I could be wrong.

Checking in went smoothly, since I called informing them I would come soon, and the treatment I required. The first hour here I was tested for all sorts of things, but the most important one was to see how much heroin I still had in my bloodstream. Lucian has been sitting at the other side of the room just watching what's happening and chatting with me. The Doctor recommended that I stay in the hospital wing for a few days just to monitor me, since this is the first heroin case they have done. Most of the time people get it done for pill popping here. Lucian told me he'd stay here if he can, since his parents will find out soon that he's here, he will have to go see them when they do.

"Miss will you go ahead and put on your gown, and then we'll go up to the doctor's office so he can run you through some things." The light voice snapped me back into reality. Nodding, I moved off the edge of the bed to get the gown she was handing me. Examining the soft cloth, it was a reminder for the reason I don't like them. Setting it on the bed, I feel a hand grab my shoulder. Turning, It's Luci. I just didn't hear him get up. I'm lost in my thoughts today, I'm just anxious to get this over with though. To finally flush away the biggest waste of my life, that could have potentially killed me.

"I can tell how nervous you are, it will be okay. This will go on smoothly, and you will feel better after." he said as he pulled me in for a hug. Wrapping my arms around him, I squeezed as tight as I could despite how weak I am right now. I am really scared that something could go wrong, but it's a risk I want to take. I feel so warm right now opposed to the past where I was only cold for the longest. Maybe it's the anticipation of me getting better and not have to lean on drugs as a crutch?

"Yeah." I answered, letting go. He moved to hold onto my shoulders, and stare at me.

"I will kick the doctor's ass if anything goes wrong. I promise." He said issuing his stupid grin with it, a smile managed to smear itself across my face. I shook my head and turned. Picking up the gown, I motioned him to step out of the room for a moment so I could change. Stripping off everything except my underwear, I folded my clothing before slipping the gown over my head and down my body. The cold tile did not welcome my bare feet that were once warm in my boots.

The doctor just wanted to get me to sign a few more forms, and go over the procedure to make sure I understood. Things were going decently fast, before I knew it I was back downstairs and having a needle stuck in me to be sedated. The nurse suggested I get comfortable since I would be laying like that for a few hours.

"Sir, at this time I will need you to leave the room." She turned to Lucian.

"Uh, wait. Can he please stay in here? I have nobody else who will be here for me." I pleaded as the doctor came in.

"It's fine. Kate, get her clipboard and write down the time anesthesia was induced." he ordered as he released the stopper on the drip. A heavy feeling set in within a few moments, warmth returned once again. It was a blink of an eye, and I was out like a light. Every now and then I'd hear something, just for a brief moment.

Chapter 6

In the long-run I did end up riding with him to Hidden Springs, needless to say that coffee obviously went well. I explained the whole story about me, and heroin. There is too much of it honestly, makes me realize how not-boring I am. His father is the founder of Lucas Investments and he is their eldest son who will most likely take over the business in the future, once his father retires. He is in college for business, and works part time at the comic book store (He is also very proud of his management position there, considering he has his name printed on a card. Idiot). He has a sister named Hayleigh who is 15, and a brother named Nathan who is 9. I wonder how he ended up with the most unique name, probably since they knew they wanted to pass the company onto him. Not saying that Nathan and Hayleigh are basic names, just you don't hear Lucian every day. He lived in Bridgeport up until he was 8, and moved here when his sister was born. He went to a private school for boys, and graduated (obviously). We just went over basics of knowing somebody, though I am only 30% sure that he won't murder me. He is 23 right now and has a few more years in college.

The drive to Hidden Springs was a good 6 hours, 4 of them I spent crashed out on a high. Trying to manage myself before going to rehab has been a shitty challenge. I can never reach my peak since I have to remain stable around people, but not go into withdrawals. It feels like trying to catch a butterfly when you are a child, you try with all your might to catch it but you never do, once you get too close the butterfly takes off again and gets further away. It's made me so fucking irritated, but it made it easier to sleep on that trip. The first place we went to in town was an apartment that Lucian reserved just for the trip down here in case stuff doesn't go well with my parents, which I offered to help pay for until it was revealed that his parents owned it.

Now here I am, at my parents front door standing in the rain, knocking. I'm getting my shoes ready to dance with the devil, the devil being the truth I have to reveal to them. Though I could just not tell them and go through with the procedure, but if something happens and they find all this stuff out it would ruin my family's reputation. Plus possibly wound them so deeply that they would act like they never even had me. Lucian stands behind me, holding an umbrella, in the earthy,humid air.

The door swings open revealing my father, with a little more gray in his hair than I could remember. I'm kinda awestruck with the memories of when I was younger and he was actually there for me, nostalgia kicks in and makes me tear up. His reaction is an easy smile as he motions for us to come inside. He get's the umbrella from Lucian and puts it in the bin by the archway that leads to the rest of the home. He turns back around and looks me up and down and reaches for me, I of course go over and hug him.

Fear pits in my stomach as reality sets in for what this visit has in store. My tears continue as we hug but I don't wipe them, the air is as thin as a sheet of paper now. Dad releases me from the hug but grabs my arms and looks at them. Examining my tattoos, his expression is blank.

"The images are beautiful, but I don't understand what made you want to hide yourself in this way." he says letting my arms slip through his fingers and fall. His gaze turns to Lucian and then back to me.

"He is a friend who made the trip back here with me."

Dad stared at him, slightly puzzled."You look very familiar." He stated.

Lucian cleared his throat before speaking, "Neah informed me that you used to work with my father. Andrew Lucas, I'm his eldest son. Lucian Lucas."

Dad's face lit up when he realized that's who he was. He turned in the other direction and called for my mom before going over and making smalltalk with Lucian.

Mom entered the room with Cyprian following behind her, he immediately frowned while she greeted me with a tight hug. Her focus turned to my arms, her reaction was as expected.

"Oh darling, why did you do this? It's going to cost a fortune to get all of this removed, and to think what it will do to your skin." Ah, there it was. It begins, the little comments that piss me off. I pulled away and stepped back before replying.

"I'm not getting them removed, I will explain why I got them later." I stated dryly making sure I stare at her with a bored expression. Cyprian stepped up and tried to push me, but failing as I am much stronger. Feeling my high slipping off and away my annoyance grows more evident. My mother doesn't respond to him, but continues to ask me a series of ,in my opinion, idiotic questions. Included with this was Cyprian muttering insults towards me under his breath. This carried on for about 10 minutes before my father turned around and told him to go to his room. He did as he was told and left the room, my dad left Lucian and moved in front of me by mom.

"Shall we get this show on the road, I'm anxious to hear what's so important." Dad asked. He and mom headed to the living room to wait for me. Turning to Lucian, I motioned him to follow me. We headed into what used to be my room. It's just as it was when I left, only smelling of moth balls now.

"I'd suggest you sit in here, you can mess with whatever you want. I have no idea how long this whole thing will take. If you hear a man screaming, it means that we need to leave immediately. Okay?" I stated before I exited the room, he answered me with a nod. Once again the air grew thick as I exited my room and went into the living room. They had a chair sitting on the other side of the coffee table facing them, which meant that's where I sit. They sit together on the couch, my mother sitting more relaxed behind him with her hands in her lap, and my father with his hands together watching me, and waiting patiently. Sitting down in the chair I cross my legs and pick my brain for how I want to begin this.

The silence lingers before I break it with my words of truth. "Alright. A long time ago I screwed up. How you may ask, well I'm here to come clean about everything. As you guys knew I was less than excited about Cyprian. I felt like I didn't matter anymore. From the beginning of my teenage years I'd hurt myself on purpose, up until about 15. In high-school when I met Alix, I learned that he sold drugs. At the time I felt like he was the only one who cared about me, and I trusted him. I started doing heroin and dabbling in others every now and then. It became very evident that you guys cared for Cyprian more, so I went on for caring for myself in the wrong way and depending on somebody who would rape me on a regular basis after he got me higher than the clouds. It has come to my attention that now that my trust in him is shattered, I have no desire to be indulged in something that has been an invisible shoulder to lean on. I came here to tell you that I'm going to go to rehab, and that the procedure that will be performed can go wrong. Instead of me going behind your backs and not telling you, and then something happen to me." Sitting back I watched the damage hit the with every word. By this time my mother was bawling her eyes out, and my dad looked furious.

"You'd rather tell us now, after all that time you went behind our backs? God. I knew you weren't that smart, but this happens to be something that only a fucking idiot would do!" He shouted. His face grew more red before her let out another wave of anger.

"I think you need to get the fuck out of my house." He screamed at me. Tears began flowing as I stood up and got close to him. Before I knew it he had slapped me across the face, knocking me to the ground. "You are the biggest disappointment I have ever encountered in my lifetime, I want you to leave right now." He grabbed my arm and pulled me up, and pulled me to the entrance room before letting me go causing me to fall again.

"You have caused an ultimate shame to the family name to a point where we should disown you!" He got close and yelled at me. My chest was constricted as I cried out sobs. Lucian came out as he continued to yell at me, he rushed to pick me up and get me away. My mother came into the room and ran to dad, crying into his chest.

"Don't do this to her! Take back what you said Pierce." My mom cried. Lucian was trying to pull me out the door when Cyprian came downstairs and stood by my parents.

My father looked at Lucian, and ordered him to leave with me. I resisted more as I screamed, "I didn't mean for this to happen!"

Lucian gave me a good pull before picking me up and racing out the door back into the rain.

"Please! Lucian, put me down!" I cried as he was trying to put me into the car. He wasn't listening, pushing me down into the seat and locked the door as I continued to scream. He got in on the other side and started the car. The drive back to the apartment was short and filled with sobs. For the longest time we sat in the car, he listened to me cry. Once I finally calmed down, we went up to the apartment. Sitting in the bedroom on the edge of the bed, I cried more. Every so often he'd come stand in the doorway and check on me.

Chapter 5

 { AUTHORS NOTE }
I did not write this story to offend or judge anybody, I wrote it to express a story of going about things when shit hits the fan. Please don't kill me. Thank you.

Sitting back on the couch I take a quick sip of water as I stare at the black bags of trash I have managed to come by.  Seeing my coffee table clean is new, same with seeing my kitchen empty, and dishes cleaned. This place could be fixed up and be okay, but I'm not looking to do that anytime soon. Considering I have to dish out some of my saved up drug money just to freeze the fucking term to try and go home. I have no idea how I'm even going to do that, I don't seem to be held fancy by any of the staff here. They may not even take the money, but if it comes down to it I'll just leave. I honestly don't want to stay gone too long, trying to be around them for too long will not go well. I forgot they haven't even seen my tattoos yet, and that they will  most likely- Well, Dad might be okay with it. Mom will probably be like ; "You ruined yourself." But I had my reasons. I know they won't be okay with what I'm going to tell them, It's common sense. If any case they don't accept it, I will just use more of saved drug money to go to rehab, or whatever the hell is the quickest way to get over this. Though I think it's a little rude to just go home and say; " You guys were blind as hell and I used drugs under your noses since that little shit was born,  and now I want money to go to rehab" , Though I only plan on going there and stating my business. Then most likely leaving, and at least telling them I'm going to try and get clean. Considering it's like 9 a.m. , I think I might try and call Dad. Setting down the bottle of water, I slid my warm phone out of my back pocket and dial dad's cell. I grow a little bit more anxious with each ring. I stood up as he answered the phone.

"Finally, I haven't heard for you in ages Kiddo. Is everything okay?" His voice sounds concerned. Letting out a slight sigh, his impatience for me to answer is shown.

"I'm fine dad, I just wanted to give you guys a heads up that I'm coming home. Something has come up that I need to take a short leave from school." My hesitance in my words lingered, he noticed.

"Well... Alright. That's nice to hear since you haven't come home since you started college. Your mother will definitely be thrilled."

"You don't sound thrilled, it's somewhat sad I expected you to though." saying hoarsely I turned my head and coughed an itch out of my throat.

"Neah, don't be that way. I've just been really worried and you haven't gone out of your way to call us in about 2 years. God knows how different you may look when you come home." he's showing his irritance. Sighing I thought about my answer for a moment.

"I do look a lot different, you will most likely not approve, but you guys will have to get over it because I can't take it back now. Anyways, I'm not going to piss you off more than I already have. I'll see you in a few days. Love you." Saying before hanging up on him and tossing my phone aside. It rings a few more times, but it's ignored. I don't feel like being in this house anymore, it's probably best if I go on with the plans I have today. Moving to the bedroom I slip on my boots, and proceed to leave.

The walk was a brief one to the comic book store. Maybe I was excited , or maybe I was just ready to leave here. Walking through the doors my eyes instantly flick behind the counter and spot Lucian. I continue to walk to the other end of the building to where they keep the computers, turning my focus to not running into anything. Maneuvering around the table I go to the opposite side so I can watch the desk and what Lucian is doing. 'Stalker tendencies much, Neah?' my subconscious roars with laugher. Shrugging, I sit down and pull up the browser on the computer and go on with researching.

The lists go on with treatment options almost all of them are prescription drugs to ween you off of whatever you are on that go for opioids. There is an option of just sitting through withdrawal and pray that you don't expire, evidently that hold you to experiencing a great amount of pain. That could be a decent option, hurt so bad to make you never want to do again. Though if you do that it says it recommended to do it at a hospital. Then there is Rapid Drug Detoxification, this caught my eye. To further research this involves being put under and having an opioid antagonist injected. It reverses the physical dependency, but not the psychological. Though there are treatment options with that as well. The cost is somewhat surprising but considering what is charged for some of the smallest things it's not that bad. I know I have more than enough saved up to do this procedure. Clicking over to google I look for the places closest to home that offer this option. Surprising enough the rehabilitation center in Hidden Springs has a hospital wing that has specialized with this treatment before. 

"Whatcha up to?" Lucian approached me from my right. Checking the clock, I check how long I have been here. 2 hours, ugh.

"Just research, I'm probably about to look at plane tickets to Hidden Springs." Stating dryly, I do as I said. Glancing up for a moment, his face emits a puzzled grin at me. Squinting my eyes at him, I stare. He then crosses his arms.

"When are you looking to leave? I'd like to start my fall break soon and go visit my family there, If you want a ride." He offered with that stupid look stuck on his face.

Laughing a little at the ridiculous offer I shook my head. "You aren't getting the opportunity to drive off and murder me. I'll go on my own."

"You must have some fetish about being murdered, since you seem to keep thinking I'd do something like that." He snaps back quickly, almost like he knew I'd say something similar to my reply.

"No fetish, Just common sense to not run off with somebody I don't even know." I grew louder with this response. Staring blankly at me, he shifted his weight.

"Well I was just trying to be nice, sorry. Though maybe we could try and get to know each other?" He suggested as he moved to the other side of me and scooted onto the desk. Smiling at me when I looked up, I nodded my head. 

"Coffee, Perhaps?" I watched for his reaction, which was him spreading another stupid grin on his face as he hopped down and waited for me to follow.

Getting up out of the computer chair, I picked up my bag and followed him. Hopefully this won't be a bad idea.

Chapter 4

 { AUTHORS NOTE }
I did not write this story to offend or judge anybody, I wrote it to express a story of going about things when shit hits the fan. Please don't kill me. Thank you.

Walking at a brisk speed, I try and feed my mind with whatever I see around me; apart from what's stirring in my head from tonight's recent occurrences. My chest hurts, and I crave for a fix to chase away my problems. My mind ponders in what I would do if I just stopped. Maybe this is a sign, for me to stop. The only dealer I have ever had is playing with me, but then again; I don't believe in that type of stuff. I'm used to my life being semi-drama free, and this turn of events that has happened during this week is getting on my nerves. There is the fine line between me having no idea of what to do, and knowing what I have to do. I want to say I don't know what to do, even though I have already made up my mind for what I need to do. Again, my own shoulder still remains to wipe my tears on. God; I hope it never goes away, I'd hate having to switch up arms to shoot up. There is my tiny pop of humor, I try and include one in my life at least once or twice a week. Seeing this week has multiple pieces of shit hitting the fan, I have had more than expected. It's nice, but not needed in my opinion. Though it does make me envious of how I was in the first or second year of college where I actually tried to have fun, but that time is long gone. Some days I rack my brain trying to figure out what went wrong, and the answer was simple.Myself, and Drugs.

I heavily suggest that you do not attend a party on drugs, that's the main reason why I stopped. Already had somebody to abuse me in a way, didn't need multiple people pulling the rug out from under me. One person doing it was enough to make me notice the glass hidden under the rug. This has two points; 1. You are either standing aside watching the person pull a rug, 2. Or you are on it because you messed up. From my perspective, I have always been on the rug. Slowly, I can feel my head begin to pound. I honestly can't tell if it's from the ponytail, or what's happened; Even though it's most likely a mix of both.

I stop myself on the dark sidewalk, moving my hands up to the hair tie that's torturing my cranium. Pulling the ties out, one wrap at a time, I finally fish out the evil hair tie. Releasing my hair, a rush of relief shreds through my scull. Sighing, I pull the hair tie on my wrist, slipping it under my bracelet; before I began to walk once more. The air is chilly, yet thick. My arms and legs are flushed with chill-bumps from the breeze, to a point where I'm shivering. Crossing my arms, I hunch myself over a little bit trying to generate some sort of heat from my body. Hearing the sound of a car from a distance away, makes me pick up my pace. The car eventually draws close to me and stops, making me to turn my head to see what they wanted. To my surprise it was the guy from the comic book store, I think he said his name was Lu? I'm not going to address him by his name just yet.

"Please, let me give you a ride home. You are obviously cold." He said as he stretched over and popped the door open on his car. The look I gave him made him sit back somewhat quickly. Shaking my head at him, I hesitated before answering.

"How do I know you won't kill me or something?" Asking this, he reached in his wallet and pulled out cards. He leaned over again and held them out and gestured me to take them. Stepping forward, I bent down and took the cards from his hand. His drivers license, and a card to the comic book store that has a name on it.

Lucian Lucas

He must think pretty high of himself to put his name on a card with the campus comic bookstore. Continuing to read the card, finding out that Lucas investments owns the store. Still. He probably thinks high of himself, like most of the other gorgeous ass-wipes on campus. Though I am saying this about somebody who helped me and gave me magical rags to wipe my snot and tears on. Looking back up at him, I shoot a curious facial expression.

"That's if I kill you, you can keep it. Now please, proceed to let me drive you home. Meaning, get in the car; Please." He shifted in his seat showing slight irritation with me taking a long time. Still, I don't know this guy. He could hurt me or something, but Lucas investments, even I know that company. My dad used to work at the headquarters in Hidden Springs. He was a medical advisor for the company, since they began to manufacture products for hospitals. Sadly, that whole process crashed and burned. People had a severe allergic reaction to what some of the products had in them, thus getting my dad fired. Now he is the head of the main hospital in Hidden Springs. He is a very good doctor, but he was/is so involved with work. Anyways, back to what's going on now.

Sitting down in the car, I'm greeted by heat. Telling him my address, he get's going. My attention turns to my phone, I receive a text message. Oh, Look; It's from Alix.

 Hope everything went okay babe, coming over tomorrow ;)

My anger rushes through me, I feel my face growing hot. Holding my breath I try and calm myself down so I don't kick the crap out of this guy's dashboard. Uncomfortably shifting in my seat as I release my breath, I draw unwanted attention from Lucian. He slows down the car a little as he keeps studying me. Better give him back his license before he get's pulled over for not paying attention. Dumbass. An idea pops in my head, making me flick through my phone at lightning speed. I hold up the phone to my driver.

"Please take me to that address, and make it fast." I say dropping it on the console, allowing him to pick it up again if he needed to. He complied with my wishes, moving his focus back on his driving and speeding up his car. Moving my line of sight out of the window, trying to find the house of the destination I showed him.

Several minutes pass, filled with me looking at houses that are far nicer than mine. Then being greeted by the house, and Alix's car, at the address I showed him. Turning to him, I try and gather what I'm about to do in my head. I finally muster up the courage to try and tell him what I'm about to do.

"Okay, This is Camille Roth's house. I was here earlier with Alix, and it seems he is still here. I'm going to go in and talk to him." I say as I turn around to get out, having my arm grabbed by him. Snatching it away, I stop and turn around and glare at him.

"That's not a good idea, he's insane. He's a drug dealer, you know that right?" He says trying to persuade me. I'm annoyed he touched my arm. I snort as I step out of the car. I don't have to tell this guy anything.

"Look, I was telling you what I'm going to do. Now you can leave, or you can stay and take me home afterwards. The choice is up to you, I don't care what you do either way." I state as I turn and shut the car door. Fully greeted with the cold air again, I make it apparent to move my ass. Moving fast, I reach her door. Turning the knob and discovering it's unlocked, I welcome myself inside. I don't close the door back, and move along in her house. Loud noises roar from upstairs. I'm hit hard when I realize that they are moans.

Being winded, I kneel down and place a hand on the floor and lower my head. This may sound conceited, but I don't freaking deserve this. Yeah, I abuse substances. Yeah, I'm not perfect. But do I deserve shit like this happening to me by the one of the only person I have trusted for six years? Picking myself up, I go to her studio with an image of something in my head. I don't smoke normally, but this situation deserves one. I sit down in one of the hanging chairs, noticing you can hear them really well in here. Sitting back, I smoked the cigarette, and listened to the sounds of them screwing around.

30 minutes pass, along with four cigarettes that have been smoked, courtesy of me. I toss the butts in her floor and leave her studio and make my way up the stairs. Her door is right in front of me and cracked open. Peeking in, I notice her laying at the end of her bed, in white panties, missing a bra and the rest of her clothes. My attention shifts over to Alix, he is also missing his clothes I saw him in earlier. He is wearing pajama pants though. I fester up what bravery I do have and push the door open, stepping inside.

 

I catch his attention making him sit up slightly, I'm not going to cry. Moving closer to the bed, I stare right in his eyes. I want to pierce his soul, but that probably won't happen. Seeing him do this, seeing him like this with another girl, knowing what all he has done, all that he has let me down and betrayed me, makes me sick of what I do on a day to day basis, solely because it revolves around him. It's very apparent that I have wasted 6 years of my pathetic life on him. I felt the tears try and build in my eyes, forcing myself to make my point and leave before I completely shatter.

"Ne-" He whispers, but I interrupt him.

"Don't even say sorry about this or anything because you aren't sorry or you wouldn't have done this. As a person you are sorry, and don't think I'm going to sit around and suddenly be thrown under the bus. Though you have been doing shit like this for awhile, I just didn't care enough, or I was too high to realize it. Then again you are the only person I have ever considered a 'boyfriend' at most, so I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. I do know this though, I cannot be apart of this, or you anymore. As much as I thought I cared for you, I don't after seeing this happen. I'd like to sever ties from you, and you will no longer be my dealer. I broke my main rule for you, and that's doing everything on my own terms. Not anymore. I'm done with you. If you need anything, send one of your goons to do so. I will not speak with you face to face like this anytime soon. Goodbye."

I race out of the house like I was shot in the butt, grinding my teeth to try and keep me calm. To my surprise, Lucian was still outside in his car. Once again greeted by the cold air, I continue to the car. Getting in, he sets down his phone and looks at me. Telling him my original address again, he backs out of the driveway. I nervously keep grinding my teeth as I await to be home. He's wasting no time getting me there though.

"May I ask what happened?" He said quietly, as I watched my surroundings.

"It's over. That's what happened." I stop grinding my teeth to tell him this, even I could tell how shaken I was just by speaking. He stayed quiet until he brought my in front of my house.

Getting out of the car, I thank him. Then He asks a question that caught me off guard.

"Will I ever see you again?"

Whoa. You waste no time. I rush myself to answer to end the conversation, then pulling myself back to realization that he is attractive.

"I may be around." saying this, I push a fake smile at him slightly before turning and going in my house to escape the cold. He drives off, and I'm left all alone.

No pressure to hold myself up in front of somebody. Only pressure is my personal problems, but I can probably mess with this shit tomorrow.

Chapter 3

 { AUTHORS NOTE }
I did not write this story to offend or judge anybody, I wrote it to express a story of going about things when shit hits the fan. Please don't kill me. Thank you.

Brace yourselves for my inner monologue, I'm not going to state my opinion about every piece of clothing I'm trying on. I'm basically being tortured. Just know, I'm mentally suffering by each bit of overly revealing clothing his "stylist" is making me try on. Trust me, it's rough. This girl looks like she slammed her face into somebody's ass that had paint all over it. Which I'm not trying to say she's ugly; she just wears too much makeup and has everything hanging out. This isn't a garage sale; put it away for the sake of my eyes. If you want to spread yourself all over guys, do it secretly. Do it in a way nobody knows, that's what makes it fun. Having to go through this process again reminds me of when I lived at home, Mom tried to take me shopping all the time. To get me to wear more revealing clothing, like arms and legs. My reaction was more of a "hehe.no" nearly every time. I'm used to being covered when out, but when I'm at my home now I dress more openly.

Alix is normally like, "Your body is better than the most girls I see, so show it. You aren't hurting anything.", and again; another "hehe.no" moment. I don't enjoy showing my body to other people, even him. Which, I only think it seeps back around to that is because I have been forced? "Why aren't you more traumatized", Easy ponder. From an early stage when my parents paid less attention to me, I learned that I am the only shoulder I have to cry on; apart from h [Heroin]. I blame Alix for the lack of body confidence, and blaming people for your problems isn't a good thing; he is an exception though. Seeing him crack and beg yesterday was very weird. I don't want to be one of those people who blamed all my problems on me being raped and tear myself down because of it. Even though I cover my arse with drugs, If one day I were to get clean; I'd build myself off of it. Not as something to be ashamed or proud of, but something that made me a stronger person. Yeah, piss on me. Guess what? I have baby wipes bitch. You can't get it off all on one swig; you have to wipe it off one wipe at a time.

My mother wasn't awful, she loved me and everything. Just it seemed she fancied my brother more. Cyprian is maybe 10 now? Meaning we have an 11 year age difference [ I'm 21]. I wish I could put into words how much I miss being the apple of their eye, but I can't because I have built myself above it. One day, I'll eventually tell them everything that went wrong. Yeah they stupidly overlooked me, but not on purpose. My little brother, to me, is a high maintenance little shit. The feelings of resentment towards him may come from him stealing the spotlight. So, I believe this deserves to be back tracked. Brother born at 11, I begin to become the second child in their lives, I self harmed from 13 to 17, began using heroin at 15. Graduated high school at 17, turned 18 and went to college; staying clean of hurting myself for a year. When I turned 19 I began to fill my body with art to hide all the physical mistakes I have made. 18 being the light year of using for me, when I would go to parties and actually attempt to make friends. Also 19 being the year of age where I began "going hard in the /italics/ paint /italics/. Swish up to now, I'm 21. Let me get my trumpet for completing the time-line of all the years shit hit the fan, smashing the fan to pieces. Excuse me from the inner monologue, it seems somebody is yelling for me.

"Neah!" Camille screams, making her sound like a cicada. Scrunching up my face to represent my displeasement of being roared at. Quickly shuffling out of the room, revealing the outfit I am indifferent about. These stockings make me feel trashy, and my arms are showing. Included in the 'fun' pack is feeling like my ass is going to slip out of the shorts any moment, then the question would rise; Why would your ass slip anyways? Bend down in something covering your nether region that happens to be this short, and tell me it doesn't go /bold/ somewhere /bold/. Camille, the stylist who likes slapping her face into painted asses, squeals in approval. Alix pops out behind her and stares at me, looking hungry. I don't enjoy this. Trust me. All this says is I'm open for business, and I don't appreciate it.

"God; Come here." He says lowly, gesturing me to come closer with his hand. Camille went into the room I came out from as I eased closer to him. Reaching out and grabbing my arm, he jerked me towards him causing me to stumble. His arms laced around me pulling me in for a kiss; then suddenly being shoved back out of his arms. Noticing Camille came back with a hair tie, she had a weird look on her face. Glancing back at him, he had one too. Squinting at him I awaited for somebody to speak.

"Uhh, she doesn't like people kissing in her studio." he said quickly, trying to urge her to get on with what she was doing. Weird; moving to my hair she tied it up quickly, then stepped back to look at me. She looked satisfied with the look, and he looked overly satisfied. I was itched to ask the question that lingered in my head.

"So why do I have to dress like a sleaze?" stating as I wondered if I could be more blunt. Nope. Camille shifted her weight to her hip and frowned at me.

"That's how people dress in this generation." her tone seemed pointed.

"Okay? Still didn't answer my question."

"You have to dress like a common college girl and most of them happen to dress similar to this." Alix interjected. Camille shot him a death glare, he basically just tramples all over her style. I wanted to giggle, but that was not a wise thing to do. Slapping him in the side of head with lightning speed surprised the both of us. He cradled the spot where he had been assaulted as I let a low cackle out. Taking my shoulder, she pulled me in front of the mirror. I was right, all I see is whore. Though my makeup is good, it pushes me to question if she really does ram her face into peoples asses covered in paint? ; Could be worse. Nodding at her in approval she steps in front of me to check over my makeup again. Camille's smirk seeped across her face.

Picking up the fake, thick, hollowed out comic book filled with a bag of drugs, she handed it to me and turned me back around to Alix. He now had a cigarette in his hand, pulling out his lighter to light it. He puts it in his mouth and inhales before speaking.

"It's simple, get in the taxi, go to the comic book store, wait by the shelf near closest to the back exit with chairs around it, give the book to the guy with black hair in the comic book store, then leave and go back home. Simple." he breathes out the smoke as he was saying this. He put the cigarette in his mouth as he stepped forward. Pecking me on the cheek, he then turned me around and slapped my butt.

"Well get going, It's already 7, he should be there by now." his voiced echoed in the hall as I left with the book in my hands. Leaving her house; which smelled like a nail salon, I am greeted by a cab outside waiting for me. Moving quickly, I'm in the cab telling the guy where to go before I can gather my thoughts. I couldn't think straight, they overcrowded in my head. I feel so winded, this situation is so frickin' weird now. The taxi driver seemed to have his shit in gear, considering he got me there within 5 minutes, though the comic book store isn't far away.

Exiting the vehicle with the comic book in my hand; a certain nervousness/cold shot down my spine. Entering the comic book store I am greeted by the smell of paper and sweat. Ew.

"Welcome to the store, let me know if you need help." The guy shouted behind the cash register who was messing with his phone, not paying attention to who walks in. Eyeing my destination, I moved to the back. Approaching the seating I noticed nobody was in sight, Great. Sitting down in the chair I await for somebody to approach me fitting the vague description. The chair was surprisingly comfy; I have never been to the comic book store. I'm fighting off the urge to pick up a book and read it. My focus was on the book shelf behind the furniture, skimming over the titles with my eyes. This seems to be a manga section? I turn my head quickly as I hear footsteps approaching, It's-

Holy. Shit.

"Hello ma'am, may I help you?"

"Uh-" Trying to speak; nothing came out.

"Is there something wrong, ma'am?"

"No." My voice broke as I said this, causing my face to flush. Trying to pick myself up again, I force myself to talk.

"I think I may have a package for you." My voice was slightly raspy as I stood up with the book in hand. The gorgeous guy looked down at the book in my now sweaty fingers. His eyes moved back to my face, then my eyes. His hair is black, that's the only description I have.

"We haven't gotten any emails about new shipments coming in, is it a book donation?" He asked in complete seriousness. I don't think this is the guy unfortunately. Better check just to be sure.

"Is your name Ashton by any chance?" I study his face, and disappointed when he doesn't react to it.

"Lu-" He is interrupted by a guy stepping in front of him, who stepped out of the way as he latched onto my arm. Stumbling as I'm pulled by this random guy who steps in, we are now behind a bookshelf. I watch the other guy who I was talking to remain to stand there, he looks kind of pissed right now.

"Hello Ms. Michaels." The guy still holding onto my arm purred. Looking at this guy, it must be Ashton. As somebody who uses, you can tell when somebody needs a fix, and this guy needed one.

"God. He told me you were pretty, but boy he didn't tell me you were drop dead gorgeous. I hope you are as good as bed as you look like you are!" The guy rudely said as he tried to snatch the book out of my hand, moving his other hand to pull me into him. My mind is in complete utter 'What-in-the-hell-is-happening-right-now' mode from not being able to process the events happening, making it hard to respond. He jerks the book out of my hand before dropping it on the ground. He slips his free hand under my ass trying to pick me up, also trying to kiss my neck. I push back trying to get him to let go but he's too strong.

"Quit fucking touching me!" I yell as I grab a small book off the shelf and hit him in the head with it. This did nothing. Having my right leg pulled up to his hip by his doing, I try and knee him in the thigh with my other, causing him to let me go. Hitting the thin carpet, I try and scramble to get away from this guy before somebody steps in front of me. The guy I was talking to a few minutes ago. I'm just going to assume he works at the store. Face to face with Ashton, he glances down briefly at the book I dropped with he drugs in it. Ashton launched for it but is kicked by into the wall buy the guy, then they guy bends down and picks up the book and puts the drugs in it.

"How about you do me a favor, and take this shit to another store.!" he yells. Pushing the book into Ashton, he took him by the shirt collar and escorts him to the back exit before yelling something at him.

Sitting there, I breathe hard as I think of the consequences of what just happened, but more importantly the remark he made to me. How the hell did he get the idea I was going to sleep with him? My chest grew heavy as my thoughts raced. The male figure approached, sitting down in the floor in front of me. He studied me for a moment before he said anything.

"Are you okay?" His voice was soft, but warm. I nodded.

"Can I get you anything?" The tone grew a little bit more serious, I shook my head.

"May I have your name? Somebody has been sending girls here this entire week, and the same shit has been happening." This being said, my body grew hot. My face growing the hottest, I felt a liquid squeeze itself from my eyes. I stared blankly at the guy before I lost my shit. Crying out of frustration, my body tensed up more.

"Jace, get off your phone and bring me a box of tissues. Then close the store." The guy turned around and yelled for the guy at the counter, I'm assuming. I feel so wounded right now. Within a few moments I'm passed a box of Kleenex. I continue to quietly sob into the tissues, before handing the box back to him.

"Neah Michaels." I say within a quiet sob, I try and encourage myself to calm down. This happens to be one of the 'cry-on-your-own-shoulder-moments'.

"Oh, damn." The guy said as he stared at me. Glaring at him, giving a look of 'what-do-you-mean?', I await his response.

"That scumbag! He has been bragging about you for months since he joined my class, including his other girlfriends, but he spoke of you the most." His tone sounded disgusted as he looked away from me. Making myself channel my anger; instead of the shit leaking from my face. Setting down the box along with the soaked tissues, I waited for him to keep talking.

"Is Alix the one who sent you here?" He looked back at me. I nodded.

"He told me that he asked everybody else to help him but nobody would." I say lowly.

The guy shakes his head, "6 years with that guy? how the hell did you manage? I think he said 6 years."

I feel slightly insulted, but I felt obligated to answer. "Well, you could probably guess." It's very obvious, to me anyways. The guy looked slightly confused for a second, as he stared at me. At this point, I just want to go home and feel the desired rush. Slipping my leg under me, I push myself up. Saying thanks as I walked away.

"Hey wait. At least let me drive you home, or get you a cab. That creep might follow you home. Please let me help, I have heard about him doing so many awful things to girls. They don't ever press charges though." His tone drifted into disappointment at the end. I can't help but whisper a reply.

"If they were anything like me, I know they wouldn't." Stating quietly as I begin to push the exit door open. "I'm going home." I say stepping out of the door. Too much shit.

"Neah, wait!" The guy yelled following behind me. I halted turning around to the guy once again

"You don't know me, so do me a favor and not worry about my well being." I say as I turn away and start walking. Only this time the guy doesn't follow. About a 40 minute walk to my house, let's just hope I don't die.

Chapter 2

{ AUTHORS NOTE }
I did not write this story to offend or judge anybody, I wrote it to express a story of going about things when shit hits the fan. Please don't kill me. Thank you.

The days seep by, which each of are spent floating until my supply runs out. I sit at the end of my bed picking and scratching at my arm. Few more hours, I should be okay. My breathing is slow, my thought process is curved. The wallpaper is moving ever so slightly, or is it just me? My attention moved to my phone, as it began ringing. Mom.. I don't want to talk to her right now so I let it ring, making it the 12th missed call from her. Feeling so lost in my shitty world; wasting a good portion of my time. The days go by faster; I could blink and miss an entire month, season, year from my daily routine. Every now and then he texts me, asking if I'm okay. Usually I reply yes, and sometimes I don't answer, resulting with him sending somebody to my house to check on me. My slim fingers wrap around my metal footboard of the cheap run-down bed, I can't feel it. There has been many times where the difficulty of trying to grab something increases rapidly, usually resulting in me crying in frustration or disappointment in myself. Alix has seen me do this, if he is around he screams at me, saying I'll take too much. He's been the only person who has supplied me, so I can't see that happening. 

The problem with people who overdose on heroin, it happens when you are switching dealers, or dealers switching their shit up as far as I know. Even though I have lived similar to this for about 5 years, I didn't go hard on it until I got to college which was 3 years ago. Since he has been my dealer, I know each dose and how long it will keep me satisfied. If you go around hopping dealers, you don't know how strong their supply is, it can kill you. First it started to keep me relaxed for school, trying to not loose my shit. In addition to all my personal shit, it made me forget. Even though it got easier to be happy at the time; no pressure being around family. I could be who I wanted. A common misconception is that you can't be energetic on Heroin. This is false, at the time I didn’t use it until I was nodding. Though doing it made it easier for me to be happy, now I can only make myself miserable without it. Staying like that for a year, I worked up to having to use higher doses. School dropped out of my agenda, and I just use for 'shits and giggles' now. At least that's what I tell anybody who's in the opiate circle with me, and that happens to be about a handful of people.

The phone begins to ring once again, slightly startling me. Picking up I instantly recognize the number and answer.

"Neah, we need to talk." I was hesitant to reply, even though I reflexively did.

"Okay." The silence echoed, until I heard somebody yell on the other end of the line.

"Please come to the coffee shop, there is a guy outside to bring you.” he says as he hangs up on me.

Pushing myself on my feet with the furniture, I am now standing. My attention shifts to the full body mirror that projected what I looked like. In my opinion, shit. My fingers run over my bony frame, causing me to wince at how much I appeared to be underweight. Suddenly hit with reality of my carelessness about eating and taking care of my body, I turn away from the mirror and move to my dresser pulling out a black shirt with netting at the top, along with some shorts with suspenders. Moving down to the next drawer, I pull out a black coat. I slip the shirt over my bony frame, looking at it makes me feel gross. Pulling the loose shorts up I button them. I get socks out of the same drawer and put them on. The jacket was next, and then my boots.

Slight annoyance oozes through me as I shuffle over to the window in front of my house. Snorting as I turn on my heel, I slide my phone into my pocket and analyze my surroundings once more. Everything seems in place, considering I usually don't sleep in here. 

My fingers lace themselves around my doorknob as I turn and pull. Letting go, I walked forward to the front exit of my shack. The afternoon heat was at its high, instantly making me sweat upon exit. The humidity made it harder to breathe along with it. Increasing my pace I reached the black sedan before the guy could open the door for me. He tries to open the door, but I open the door and get in before he reached the handle. His expression seemed startled, as he turned and went to his side of the car. He opened the door and looked in at me. 

"Ms. Michaels are you okay?" His tone seemed worried.

He got in the car and shut his door before turning the key in the ignition. Chewing at my lip I thought about his question before answering. Yes, but no. I'm not enthusiastic about seeing Alix again, I have no idea how long it has exactly been since I told him to leave. The car began to move quickly. Pursing my lips before I answered, I can't help but really wonder. What will he want?

"Miss?" Alix's driver repeated again.

"Oh. Uh. Y-Yes." I answered trying to pull my head out of my ass. Lost in my thoughts once more, I push myself to ask his driver. “Do you know why he asked me to come”?

The air grew thick; I could see him hesitating to tell me. Pushing myself to look away from him in hope he would answer me, I focused on the upcoming coffee shop that was my destination. Sadly, the car ride will probably be ending before I get my answer. He started slowing down the car right as we reached the coffee shop. Taking a right he pulled into the parking lot. He proceeded to try and get out to probably open my door for me, but I stopped him. Popping open the door I say thanks, get out, and slam it. Letting my irritation seep out from being ignored. Even though as I'm walking away, I can't help but smirk. This is the nicer, but more boring, coffee shop on campus. Maybe he wanted somewhere quiet where he knew I couldn't throw coffee at him? Coming around to the first entrance closest to me reveals only a few people inside. He's sitting at a table with two coffee's and a book, with a phone up to his ear as he looks around. Spotting me, he makes a come here motion with his hand. Pulling down my jacket sleeve, I open the door with it wrapped around my hand. Continuing to watch him, I see him hang up the phone and slide it into his dark green hoodie. He's watching me slowly approach the table. He slides the chair across from him out with his foot as I reach the table, before setting my iced coffee down in my spot. Sitting in my chair I await for him to speak to me.

He takes a few moments before he say anything, giving me time to slouch back in the chair and cross my arms. Inhaling the scent of coffee beans seems to calm me down more from wanting to toss the drink at him and screaming fuck you, but that would be 'Unladylike'. I almost snicker at the thought; me? acting like a lady? Best Joke I have heard this year. He still hasn't said anything. Snorting I grab my drink and hold it, preparing it to launch it at anytime. Sitting up enough to slouch over, I prop myself up with my elbow with the same arm holding my drink. Sitting there I stare at my drink before I muck up the courage to say anything.

"Let's get this over with, before I turn 60." I say before taking a sip of my drink. He looks puzzled, as to what I might say, so he stays quiet.

"I want an apology, and I also want to know why I'm here." Saying this while setting my cup down hard. He stares at me; he looks as if he's searching for something. My patience begins to run dry as he takes his sweet time before even saying the first word to me. Starting to say something, he then stops himself and looks down at his hands under the table.

"Please. For the love of god. Speak to me. I know you didn't invite me out here to watch me drink coffee and berate you." Saying as I huff at him.

"I am sorry. Please forgive me for what I did. Please don't push me out of your life. I need you!" He yelled. The few people in the shopped stopped their actions. He glared at the closer ones before turning to the guy working at the counter and snapping his fingers. The guy went to the doors and turned the open sign around, then asking the other people to leave. At first I felt kind of embarrassed being around all those people and trying to scream at him, but he has now made a wrong move. I now have full advantage to probably throw a chair at him. Something ticked in me, causing me to stand up.

"You don't fucking deserve anything. You were in the process of doing something I didn't want you to do, and then you burn me with your cigarette. You really think I should forgive you? Nearly all my trust in you has faded; you have never left a mark on me before. Then you go off and tell me you can do as you please?" I yell at him. Picking up my coffee I toss it in his direction, but with no avail I completely miss him. My anger manifests as I put my hand on the table, and move my hand towards his face, now pointing at him.

"I'd hurt you If I could, but unfortunately you wouldn't let me if I tried. Let me promise you this, you deserve it. If you ever screw up this bad again, it will not be the same. One chance. That's all you get." I say as I sit back in my seat.

Moments pass slowly as he and I wait for it to clam down. I'm still pissed over it, but I'll just let one chance slide, since it's the first time he has done something like this. We see the guy working behind the counter come by us to clean up the mess I made with a towel. Immediately feeling bad, I regret what I tried to do.

"So, can you tip that guy extra since I did that?" I whisper to Alix. He nods in approval before reaching back into his hoodie and pulling out his phone. He scrolls through it before stopping and sliding it to me.

"You have met Ashton before right?" He says as I look at the text messages. Shaking my head, I wait for him to keep talking.

"I think you have met him before, but he's on campus now. He told me his is being watched, and he needs somebody to deliver his blow for him. This is where I need your help. Somebody need to take him a book full of drugs so nothing is too suspicious. He requested somebody other than me to do it. Seeing you have gotten into trouble like this before maybe you could do it?" He said as he slipped his phone back into his hoodie.

"Are you crazy? That was before I got all my tatts. I'd look suspicious as shit if I went in there and handed him a book. Plus considering how I look now! I haven't gotten a full 8 hours of sleep in about a year. Can't you find somebody else to do it?" Questioning him, he shakes his head.

"Please. It's really simple Neah. I can't get anybody else to do it. This guy has been waiting for a week!" I suddenly put the offer into consideration. I know how it feels to try and be off H for a week, and its hell. Even trying to cut back makes you feel like you are going to die. Even though during Alix and I's trial period of not talking to each other for a bit, he still sent people to my house to drop off my fix. Hell, some even stayed to monitor me. It’s only the ones that knew me well though. He's seen how bad it gets trying to stop. It's hard to try and imagine now not having anything. It makes me sad.

"Okay. I'll do it."

Giving into this wasn't difficult, only because I can sympathize for people who run out of drugs, or can use anymore. It must be awful. Getting up, he moves over to my side and hugs me. 

"Thank you, this means a lot." Standing up, he came up with me before releasing me.

"Let's go, I'll get my driver to take you home. Please try not to break the door this time." Mentioning and he slid his arm around my back and walked with me. 

We were waiting for the driver to pull up as Alix told me more of what was to be done.

"I'll come by your house for you tomorrow , and then we are going to go shopping. That possibly includes taking you to a good friend of mine who is a stylist." Taking me by the shoulders he looked at me, I then placed my hand on his chest. 

"Babe, everything will be okay. I promise." His promises to me now mean a little less, but I can probably live with it. Nodding my head my eye caught the sight of his driver's car. Hugging me once again, I was thanked. Exiting the cafe led me to think harder about what I had just gotten myself into.

Oh boy.

Chapter 1

{ AUTHORS NOTE }

I did not write this story to offend or judge anybody, I wrote it to express a story of going about things when shit hits the fan. Please don't kill me. Thank you.

Slowly slipping off the ran-down couch, I drop the needle filled with my poison. Gripping my arm tightly, I hit the hot, sticky floor. Tucking my legs into my body, I close my eyes. The rush hits me like a wall, causing me to shake for a brief moment. This. The way I have ended up wasn't ideal; I'd actually hoped things would be different. Though they aren't, but the fix/drugs make me happy (momentarily). Which I suppose that this is the best I feel I can do; so I'll stick to it. No broken home, just my functionality without my 'poison' seems to be nonexistent. Though being bullied in school probably pissed away my chances of being completely normal, so I don't even try. I suppose it was broken? But then again, apart from family, what part of me "hadn't" been broken? The million dollar question seems to be, “Why didn't you seek help?”, and to answer that is I didn't want help. I like doing things by myself most of the time, having to ask makes me feel useless in some sort of mentality. 

Then of course when I reached my breaking point I decided to hurt myself, but from my perspective, using drugs is a form of self harm. Stupid, very f*cking stupid if you ask me, but Irrational Neah of course she'd do that. Scars always hidden, nobody knew, nor suspected a thing. It's kind of sad, I should be an actress, but my parents never found out. They never questioned why their little girl suddenly faded into the distance, because they had something else that caught the twinkle in their eyes. My little brother, though I'm not going to try and blame this on him, since it's my own personal issues that got me up shit creek without a paddle. Yes, of course I was jealous, but I took everything into my own hands. I no longer do that stuff, though it did whisk me into the gateway of drugs. 

My interest peaked on how it was said to make you feel numb. That was all I wanted, though sadly they don't really fancy lobotomy anymore. I first ventured into the world of drugs when I was about to turn 15, introduced to me by the one " Friend" I actually had in high school. He's still my dealer today; evidently I hold a special place in his heart. Considering that's the only human who gave me attention, It was about the same for me. Though he has forced himself on me, we all have our flaws. I'm not throwing away the only thing I really have. Alix, the guy's name, has really been the only person I have heavily relied on since I was that age. Him selling/supplying to me was a plus, he only smokes pot, which I don't think of him as addicted unlike me. So he shouldn't be completely screwed. 

A tiny laugh escaped my chapped lips, causing me to feel lighter than air. The short moan that followed made me want to bite my lip. Licking my lips, I begin to slowly slide my fingers into my mouth to bite my nails. Continuing to giggle ever so slightly and I continue through the rush.

Though he basically does sell everything; which I have tried since I get little discounts. It may be a tiny bit sad, but I'm surprised I haven't died yet. Even though I am headed for my 6 feet hole in the ground. All of us are, I'm just speeding myself up, and then sometimes I think of how my parents would feel. Betrayed, sad, the fact they overlooked everything for my brother. He would surely blame himself, and I don't want that. I didn't inject too much, but you won't have to listen to this part about me much longer. Currently I'm in college, Major in Fine Arts, and I am a stereotypical burnout/drugwhore. I'd throw a party for finally getting to the end of my own background, but I'm in no shape to even attempt to make myself a cake, or order pizza.

 The hours seep by as I come down off my high; the taste of slight blood stains my dry mouth. My attention move to my fingers and a smirk emerges. Reaching behind me I try and pull myself up with the couch to stand up before greeting the floor with my body again. I look down the hallways as I huff, "Fuck me.", before trying to push myself to the bathroom door. Slowly I drag myself before I'm hit with a wave of dizziness before my vision is washed over with a cloud of black.

Drifting back into consciousness, it appears that I'm being shaken violently. I inhale before I open my eyes to find the person or thing shaking me. The familiar scent awakens my senses and excites me, making me rush to open my eyes. Being greeted by a pissed off Alix wasn't ideal, but nothing usually is ideal for me.

"Wake the Fuck up!” His screaming scared me internally but my body can't react. 

His rough fingers are gripping my arms tightly, he stops shaking me as he realizes that I'm awake. His breathing softens before his face turns to a frown expressing that he is less than pleased. My eyes roll off to the side to see if he was the only one here, and it seemed he was. He violently shakes me once more to get my attention. He drops me after releasing me from his grip, and stands up slowly. He turns his back and steps away before reaching in his pocket and fishing out his cigarettes. I try and move myself up, but the disorientation still lies within me causing me to stay down. Rolling onto my elbows I try and crawl to the couch whilst listening to him light his death stick. Hearing something hit the floor I hear a huff as I'm abruptly picked up and tossed on the couch. 

"Fucking Christ. I'm so irritated with this. You always over-do it, and it pisses me off. What are you going to do when you die?" He screams at me as he takes a seat and flicks his ashes into my floor. The atmosphere was thick and I didn't want to speak. He huffs another whiff off his stick before continuing to bitch me out. 

"More importantly, what will happen to me? I could get in a lot of trouble just because you don't fucking listen, and honestly I'm getting to a point where I think I should cut you off. I need to cover my own ass." He said flicking another set of ashes onto my gross floor. 

My anger flushed around in my stomach as I wanted to get up and slap the shit out of him, even though I know what would happen if I did that. Moving my legs off the couch, off his lap to touch the floor he stops me. Firmly grabbing his hand I push it away, and move myself away also. Becoming more aware and getting myself back to normal, possibly allows me the ability to kick him out. Low chance, but it could happen. Opening my mouth to speak, I stop to think.

"I'm in my own home, and you are in no position to tell me what to do with what I buy. You can't make me do anything, and if you think you can then you are surely mistaken." My tone was weak, making me instantly regret what I said. 

His facial expression softened to show no emotion and he yanked my legs back onto the couch pressing down firmly, he flicked the ashes of his cigarette once more before hovering it over where he was holding down. Time moved by slowly and it grew closer before him pressing it hard against my right leg, making me wince.

"I can do whatever I want, and you can't do anything about it, Neah. You think you can ever escape me? Well you can't." He pauses before discarding the cigarette into my floor, before climbing on top of me. Fear set in as he pinned down my arms, moving closer to my face before kissing my cheek.

"Leave, I don't need you. I don't want you anymore." I stated loudly, catching him off guard for a comment like that. His expression changed once again, he released my limbs. He sat back staring at me, looking generally hurt, because I have never said that. His face softens even more, and he reaches for me, but I don't want to reach back. I don't want this anymore. My feelings are apparent now, I don't need him.

 There are other people who sell, who won't rape me, or play with my feelings. He moves closer to me, still not saying a word. I push myself back, fumbling off the couch onto the disgusting floor away from him. His eyes grew wider as the air grew thicker, making it harder to breathe. 

"Leave." I said harshly.

Snap

He crawls off the couch quickly and tries to get closer to me, I push myself back against the wall into the corner. My dry eyes follow his hand as he raises it, I knew what was coming. Closing my eyes I try and sheild myself as I wait for impact. 

A moment passes, nothing hits me. Taking a tiny peek, I was greeted by him with a stern look on his face.
I was seconds away from being possibly taken without wanting it, and then I said something I had never said before that will change everything.

"Get the fuck out of my life, I said I didn't want you." I screamed.

Regret fills me from head to toe; I didn't want to think about this anymore. As I awaited for him to leave, moments pass. Very uncomfotable ones for that matter. He eventually does get up and leave, but I knew this wasn't the end.Peeling myself off the floor, I stand on my wobbly stilts eotherwise known as legs, and move down the hallway holding on to whatever furniture/wall that's there. Reaching the bathroom I push the door open. The smell of mildew invades my nostrils and lungs. Stepping onto the ice cold tile causes me to shiver, I move my eyes to focus on my bathtub. Closing the door I lock it and launch myself to my destination, causing me nearly fall. I quickly strip off my clothes, before sitting down in my underwear.Weakly I push into the tub and turn the rusted knob for the hot water and plug the drain before laying back. My reality is very apparent now, what just happened is replaying in my mind and I'm analyzing the possibilities. The question that lingers from every observation is the same each time.
What have I done..