My
eyes open to the light flooding into my room from my curtains being
snatched open. Squinting I look for the source who opened them, now
sitting on the edge of my desk. Burying my face between the two pillows I
fell asleep on, I shout.
So, Update. When we got back to campus I stayed in a co-ed dorm for a few weeks while I looked for an apartment, and luckily I found a nice one. Currently I'm in the process of unpacking my excess shit, which was going well for today until I began to get dizzy. Thus ending up taking an unintentional nap. Let me also bring you up to speed about the vandalism that happened to Luci's store, somebody spray painted all his windows black, then took a brick and threw it through one of them with an ugly note on it as far as he told me. Unfortunately they didn't see the person's face since he was wearing a mask, and they have no leads on it as of recent.
Adjusting to normal stuff has been fun, I was recommended to a counselor that works on campus with students involved with drug use. I see him about once a week on Wednesdays. The rehabilitation center also keeps up with me through him, my doctor also calls me from time to time as well. It's somewhat nice to have people to keep me in check, but at times I over think it.
It's crazy, I've completely changed my ways in less than a year. It scary to think about the person I used to be..
Laying around, pumping myself full of poison just to have some kind of reason to live. Which now I still don't know my reasoning. I have no goals at the moment, but I have a feeling it will be clear soon. Right now it's time to just pick up the pieces of my once shitty life, and glue it all together.
I'd never think people would want to be my friend or anything, seeing I consider myself very abnormal. At least I have the opportunity to start conversations with "Hi, I'm Neah and I used to be some dope whore."
I've found the best way to face this is with shitty sarcastic humor, which works. Most people don't take me seriously at first, they think I'm just joking. I have made a few new girl friends. On top of that there is Lucian, who's weirdly went with me through this whole thing. It's very strange just thinking about it. Back then he really should of been yelling at me for distributing drugs in his store instead of that guy, but hey, at least I got a really good friend out of it all.
He's probably the most understanding person I've ever met.
"No, You need to get up. It's been about 2 hours, and I can't be here much longer. "
He leans forward a little bit propping his arm on his leg. He studies my face to try and read my emotions.
"You can go now, I'll unpack the rest of this."
He shakes his head, " I know good and well you aren't strong enough, that's why you needed a nap like 30 minutes after we started."
"But" I started before being interrupted by him.
"How about I go through your stuff and you tell me where it goes?" He suggested.
That sounded nice but too much to ask, but he wouldn't have offered unless he wanted to, right?
"On a different topic, Have you eaten today?" Ah, I have been waiting for this question since he got here. He asks me every time we hang out, Reason being since I went through with my detox I haven't stopped loosing weight. I'm assuming it's from my doing since I'm never hungry and when I am I just ignore it, and doing this has caused me to become even bonier than I was before. Yes, I still bitch about it.
A guilty look washed over my face as I grinned at him.
Sighing heavily whilst sliding off my desk he makes his way out of my room, nearly tripping over a box.
"Unpack your stuff while I make you lunch!" He shouts right before he reaches my kitchen.
Stretching as I pushed myself up off my warm nest of sheets, I slide myself off the bed onto my feet.
I go for the box closest to me which held most of my old clothes. Ratty, disgusting clothes that need to be burned.
"Hey, can you suggest any clothing stores not far from campus?" I shout.
"For girls? No, ask one of your gal pals." Lucian shouted back.
Rolling my eyes I dumped the box out onto my floor and I looked around for a trash bag to stuff its contents into. My eyes catch sight of a rolled up bag under my bed, and I reach for it.
I took the bag , opened it, and began to shovel all my items that were in front of me in there. Before long it had been about 30 minutes, I could still hear Lucian stirring around the kitchen.
Taking in my surroundings including the few boxes I had manage to unpack during this time, before getting up and going to the kitchen. My nostrils are greeted with the delicious smell of his food he was making. Pasta with some kind of sauce? I followed the scent to the pan that contained the food and observed it's appearance.
"Are you ready to eat?" He said as he reached into my cabinet and got me a bowl. I see he unpacked the rest of my stuff in my kitchen seeing that there were now empty boxes sitting in the entrance of my laundry room. Scooping the food into my bowl he went and set it down on my table along with a fork.
"Come on." He said as he motioned me to the table. I followed and came and sat down. I twisted the pasta around my fork and took a bite, and the results were very pleasant. Sweet but tangy pasta? It sounds like it would be horrible but this isn't too bad, I sure wouldn't have thought about something like this.
"How did you come across something like this?" I asked before loading up my fork and stuffing my face.
I could hear him shift ever so slightly from the question, causing me to look back.
"When I was adopted, my mother bonded with me through food. She taught me to cook, and it's a slight hobby of mine. Unfortunately I've slipped out of it for the past year since I have been busy. She makes it even better than this." He said as he stared down at the floor. "Nobody can seem to get over my mother with cooking, not even my twin Adrian. Considering he's better at everything."
I stopped chewing and swallowed before looking back at him.
"You have a twin?" I asked in slight disbelief.
His facial expression revealed annoyance from this question, but he slowly nodded. I continued to
indulge on the food.
"He is some kind of scientist, he used to go here before he graduated."
"That must have been some kind of hell for your mom, having to deal with two of you." I joked as I finished the rest of the food, feeling completely over stuffed but it seemed worth it. I turned to study him as he smiled.
"Yeah, we used to be really close but currently it's somewhat weird. I miss him, but at the same time not really. He had, or should I say has, a very large ego."
He paused and looked up at me as I arose from the table bowl in hand.
"Anytime I'd get a girlfriend he'd sort of go after them, which I still to this day can't comprehend why since we are identical. We had about the same amount of girls come up to us. One time he even changed his hair for a short while to black and he would start shit with people and get me in trouble.
Moving to the sink I still continued to listen carefully, waiting for him to continue.
"Sorry for blabbing so much, I just haven't spoken of him in a good while. I'm usually not asked about my family since people know who we are."
Setting the bowl down in the sink and running some water in it before turning it off, I turn and lean on the counter facing him.
"Please don't apologize, It's nice for me to hear stuff about you. In any case if you are willing to talk about it I'd love to hear more."
He shifted uncomfortably once more.
"I remember I told you I only have 2 siblings, only because at the time Adrian went on a rampage and severed ties from us for a little bit. We weren't sure if he was going to come back around and I didn't want to speak of him then since it had just happened."
As he finished his words I was hit by a wave of dizziness causing me to hold onto the counter for support, closing my eyes to try and soften impact. Hearing his footsteps grow closer I open my eyes back up. He was now standing in front of me, reaching for my arms to hold me up.
"Hey!" He said as I was hit once again by dizziness this time causing my legs to buckle. Lucian caught me as I went down, picking me up he exited the kitchen with me in his arms. Taking me into my bedroom he sat me on my bed, before turning around and pacing. He let out a frustrated sigh before turning back to look at me.
"I don't know how much longer I can watch this, though I know it's not any of my business and I have no right to tell you this but you need to eat. I don't know how much longer I can watch you get even more frail. These dizzy spells are from you not eating, and if it keeps happening you are going to get seriously ill."
"In my defense I can't help it that I'm just not hungry, It was like this before. I could go a very long time without eating, and just be fine."
He looked pained as he looked at me, before his face suddenly softened.
"I'm going to my apartment to pack some stuff and I'm going to stay here to make sure you aren't forgetting to eat." He said before turning and booking it out my room.
In the distance of my home I heard the front door shut. Who'd ever guess he'd be so concerned over me?
Oh wait.
Me.
I suppose some good can come out of this, I'll give it a go.
Moving off my bed onto my feet, I go stand in front of my mirror and begin to strip off my clothes down to my bra and panties. Releasing my hair from my messy ponytail, I fixed it before looking at myself.
"Please close them."
Hearing
Lucian's slight chuckle, I look up and lay my face on my hand. I throw
my legs up to get the feeling back in them from being hung over the edge
of my bed for so long.
So, Update. When we got back to campus I stayed in a co-ed dorm for a few weeks while I looked for an apartment, and luckily I found a nice one. Currently I'm in the process of unpacking my excess shit, which was going well for today until I began to get dizzy. Thus ending up taking an unintentional nap. Let me also bring you up to speed about the vandalism that happened to Luci's store, somebody spray painted all his windows black, then took a brick and threw it through one of them with an ugly note on it as far as he told me. Unfortunately they didn't see the person's face since he was wearing a mask, and they have no leads on it as of recent.
Adjusting to normal stuff has been fun, I was recommended to a counselor that works on campus with students involved with drug use. I see him about once a week on Wednesdays. The rehabilitation center also keeps up with me through him, my doctor also calls me from time to time as well. It's somewhat nice to have people to keep me in check, but at times I over think it.
It's crazy, I've completely changed my ways in less than a year. It scary to think about the person I used to be..
Laying around, pumping myself full of poison just to have some kind of reason to live. Which now I still don't know my reasoning. I have no goals at the moment, but I have a feeling it will be clear soon. Right now it's time to just pick up the pieces of my once shitty life, and glue it all together.
I'd never think people would want to be my friend or anything, seeing I consider myself very abnormal. At least I have the opportunity to start conversations with "Hi, I'm Neah and I used to be some dope whore."
I've found the best way to face this is with shitty sarcastic humor, which works. Most people don't take me seriously at first, they think I'm just joking. I have made a few new girl friends. On top of that there is Lucian, who's weirdly went with me through this whole thing. It's very strange just thinking about it. Back then he really should of been yelling at me for distributing drugs in his store instead of that guy, but hey, at least I got a really good friend out of it all.
He's probably the most understanding person I've ever met.
"No, You need to get up. It's been about 2 hours, and I can't be here much longer. "
He leans forward a little bit propping his arm on his leg. He studies my face to try and read my emotions.
"You can go now, I'll unpack the rest of this."
He shakes his head, " I know good and well you aren't strong enough, that's why you needed a nap like 30 minutes after we started."
"But" I started before being interrupted by him.
"How about I go through your stuff and you tell me where it goes?" He suggested.
That sounded nice but too much to ask, but he wouldn't have offered unless he wanted to, right?
"On a different topic, Have you eaten today?" Ah, I have been waiting for this question since he got here. He asks me every time we hang out, Reason being since I went through with my detox I haven't stopped loosing weight. I'm assuming it's from my doing since I'm never hungry and when I am I just ignore it, and doing this has caused me to become even bonier than I was before. Yes, I still bitch about it.
A guilty look washed over my face as I grinned at him.
Sighing heavily whilst sliding off my desk he makes his way out of my room, nearly tripping over a box.
"Unpack your stuff while I make you lunch!" He shouts right before he reaches my kitchen.
Stretching as I pushed myself up off my warm nest of sheets, I slide myself off the bed onto my feet.
I go for the box closest to me which held most of my old clothes. Ratty, disgusting clothes that need to be burned.
"Hey, can you suggest any clothing stores not far from campus?" I shout.
"For girls? No, ask one of your gal pals." Lucian shouted back.
Rolling my eyes I dumped the box out onto my floor and I looked around for a trash bag to stuff its contents into. My eyes catch sight of a rolled up bag under my bed, and I reach for it.
I took the bag , opened it, and began to shovel all my items that were in front of me in there. Before long it had been about 30 minutes, I could still hear Lucian stirring around the kitchen.
Taking in my surroundings including the few boxes I had manage to unpack during this time, before getting up and going to the kitchen. My nostrils are greeted with the delicious smell of his food he was making. Pasta with some kind of sauce? I followed the scent to the pan that contained the food and observed it's appearance.
"Are you ready to eat?" He said as he reached into my cabinet and got me a bowl. I see he unpacked the rest of my stuff in my kitchen seeing that there were now empty boxes sitting in the entrance of my laundry room. Scooping the food into my bowl he went and set it down on my table along with a fork.
"Come on." He said as he motioned me to the table. I followed and came and sat down. I twisted the pasta around my fork and took a bite, and the results were very pleasant. Sweet but tangy pasta? It sounds like it would be horrible but this isn't too bad, I sure wouldn't have thought about something like this.
"How did you come across something like this?" I asked before loading up my fork and stuffing my face.
I could hear him shift ever so slightly from the question, causing me to look back.
"When I was adopted, my mother bonded with me through food. She taught me to cook, and it's a slight hobby of mine. Unfortunately I've slipped out of it for the past year since I have been busy. She makes it even better than this." He said as he stared down at the floor. "Nobody can seem to get over my mother with cooking, not even my twin Adrian. Considering he's better at everything."
I stopped chewing and swallowed before looking back at him.
"You have a twin?" I asked in slight disbelief.
His facial expression revealed annoyance from this question, but he slowly nodded. I continued to
indulge on the food.
"He is some kind of scientist, he used to go here before he graduated."
"That must have been some kind of hell for your mom, having to deal with two of you." I joked as I finished the rest of the food, feeling completely over stuffed but it seemed worth it. I turned to study him as he smiled.
"Yeah, we used to be really close but currently it's somewhat weird. I miss him, but at the same time not really. He had, or should I say has, a very large ego."
He paused and looked up at me as I arose from the table bowl in hand.
"Anytime I'd get a girlfriend he'd sort of go after them, which I still to this day can't comprehend why since we are identical. We had about the same amount of girls come up to us. One time he even changed his hair for a short while to black and he would start shit with people and get me in trouble.
Nobody ever payed close enough attention to him, the difference
is obvious considering I have a beauty mark on my face and he doesn't."
Moving to the sink I still continued to listen carefully, waiting for him to continue.
"Sorry for blabbing so much, I just haven't spoken of him in a good while. I'm usually not asked about my family since people know who we are."
Setting the bowl down in the sink and running some water in it before turning it off, I turn and lean on the counter facing him.
"Please don't apologize, It's nice for me to hear stuff about you. In any case if you are willing to talk about it I'd love to hear more."
He shifted uncomfortably once more.
"I remember I told you I only have 2 siblings, only because at the time Adrian went on a rampage and severed ties from us for a little bit. We weren't sure if he was going to come back around and I didn't want to speak of him then since it had just happened."
As he finished his words I was hit by a wave of dizziness causing me to hold onto the counter for support, closing my eyes to try and soften impact. Hearing his footsteps grow closer I open my eyes back up. He was now standing in front of me, reaching for my arms to hold me up.
"Hey!" He said as I was hit once again by dizziness this time causing my legs to buckle. Lucian caught me as I went down, picking me up he exited the kitchen with me in his arms. Taking me into my bedroom he sat me on my bed, before turning around and pacing. He let out a frustrated sigh before turning back to look at me.
"I don't know how much longer I can watch this, though I know it's not any of my business and I have no right to tell you this but you need to eat. I don't know how much longer I can watch you get even more frail. These dizzy spells are from you not eating, and if it keeps happening you are going to get seriously ill."
"In my defense I can't help it that I'm just not hungry, It was like this before. I could go a very long time without eating, and just be fine."
He looked pained as he looked at me, before his face suddenly softened.
"I'm going to my apartment to pack some stuff and I'm going to stay here to make sure you aren't forgetting to eat." He said before turning and booking it out my room.
In the distance of my home I heard the front door shut. Who'd ever guess he'd be so concerned over me?
Oh wait.
Me.
I suppose some good can come out of this, I'll give it a go.
Moving off my bed onto my feet, I go stand in front of my mirror and begin to strip off my clothes down to my bra and panties. Releasing my hair from my messy ponytail, I fixed it before looking at myself.
For
the first time I really study my body, My appearance had always kinda
sickened me. This though, I couldn't manage to look at myself for more
than a few moments. This is something I need to improve surely.
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