Chapter 4

 { AUTHORS NOTE }
I did not write this story to offend or judge anybody, I wrote it to express a story of going about things when shit hits the fan. Please don't kill me. Thank you.

Walking at a brisk speed, I try and feed my mind with whatever I see around me; apart from what's stirring in my head from tonight's recent occurrences. My chest hurts, and I crave for a fix to chase away my problems. My mind ponders in what I would do if I just stopped. Maybe this is a sign, for me to stop. The only dealer I have ever had is playing with me, but then again; I don't believe in that type of stuff. I'm used to my life being semi-drama free, and this turn of events that has happened during this week is getting on my nerves. There is the fine line between me having no idea of what to do, and knowing what I have to do. I want to say I don't know what to do, even though I have already made up my mind for what I need to do. Again, my own shoulder still remains to wipe my tears on. God; I hope it never goes away, I'd hate having to switch up arms to shoot up. There is my tiny pop of humor, I try and include one in my life at least once or twice a week. Seeing this week has multiple pieces of shit hitting the fan, I have had more than expected. It's nice, but not needed in my opinion. Though it does make me envious of how I was in the first or second year of college where I actually tried to have fun, but that time is long gone. Some days I rack my brain trying to figure out what went wrong, and the answer was simple.Myself, and Drugs.

I heavily suggest that you do not attend a party on drugs, that's the main reason why I stopped. Already had somebody to abuse me in a way, didn't need multiple people pulling the rug out from under me. One person doing it was enough to make me notice the glass hidden under the rug. This has two points; 1. You are either standing aside watching the person pull a rug, 2. Or you are on it because you messed up. From my perspective, I have always been on the rug. Slowly, I can feel my head begin to pound. I honestly can't tell if it's from the ponytail, or what's happened; Even though it's most likely a mix of both.

I stop myself on the dark sidewalk, moving my hands up to the hair tie that's torturing my cranium. Pulling the ties out, one wrap at a time, I finally fish out the evil hair tie. Releasing my hair, a rush of relief shreds through my scull. Sighing, I pull the hair tie on my wrist, slipping it under my bracelet; before I began to walk once more. The air is chilly, yet thick. My arms and legs are flushed with chill-bumps from the breeze, to a point where I'm shivering. Crossing my arms, I hunch myself over a little bit trying to generate some sort of heat from my body. Hearing the sound of a car from a distance away, makes me pick up my pace. The car eventually draws close to me and stops, making me to turn my head to see what they wanted. To my surprise it was the guy from the comic book store, I think he said his name was Lu? I'm not going to address him by his name just yet.

"Please, let me give you a ride home. You are obviously cold." He said as he stretched over and popped the door open on his car. The look I gave him made him sit back somewhat quickly. Shaking my head at him, I hesitated before answering.

"How do I know you won't kill me or something?" Asking this, he reached in his wallet and pulled out cards. He leaned over again and held them out and gestured me to take them. Stepping forward, I bent down and took the cards from his hand. His drivers license, and a card to the comic book store that has a name on it.

Lucian Lucas

He must think pretty high of himself to put his name on a card with the campus comic bookstore. Continuing to read the card, finding out that Lucas investments owns the store. Still. He probably thinks high of himself, like most of the other gorgeous ass-wipes on campus. Though I am saying this about somebody who helped me and gave me magical rags to wipe my snot and tears on. Looking back up at him, I shoot a curious facial expression.

"That's if I kill you, you can keep it. Now please, proceed to let me drive you home. Meaning, get in the car; Please." He shifted in his seat showing slight irritation with me taking a long time. Still, I don't know this guy. He could hurt me or something, but Lucas investments, even I know that company. My dad used to work at the headquarters in Hidden Springs. He was a medical advisor for the company, since they began to manufacture products for hospitals. Sadly, that whole process crashed and burned. People had a severe allergic reaction to what some of the products had in them, thus getting my dad fired. Now he is the head of the main hospital in Hidden Springs. He is a very good doctor, but he was/is so involved with work. Anyways, back to what's going on now.

Sitting down in the car, I'm greeted by heat. Telling him my address, he get's going. My attention turns to my phone, I receive a text message. Oh, Look; It's from Alix.

 Hope everything went okay babe, coming over tomorrow ;)

My anger rushes through me, I feel my face growing hot. Holding my breath I try and calm myself down so I don't kick the crap out of this guy's dashboard. Uncomfortably shifting in my seat as I release my breath, I draw unwanted attention from Lucian. He slows down the car a little as he keeps studying me. Better give him back his license before he get's pulled over for not paying attention. Dumbass. An idea pops in my head, making me flick through my phone at lightning speed. I hold up the phone to my driver.

"Please take me to that address, and make it fast." I say dropping it on the console, allowing him to pick it up again if he needed to. He complied with my wishes, moving his focus back on his driving and speeding up his car. Moving my line of sight out of the window, trying to find the house of the destination I showed him.

Several minutes pass, filled with me looking at houses that are far nicer than mine. Then being greeted by the house, and Alix's car, at the address I showed him. Turning to him, I try and gather what I'm about to do in my head. I finally muster up the courage to try and tell him what I'm about to do.

"Okay, This is Camille Roth's house. I was here earlier with Alix, and it seems he is still here. I'm going to go in and talk to him." I say as I turn around to get out, having my arm grabbed by him. Snatching it away, I stop and turn around and glare at him.

"That's not a good idea, he's insane. He's a drug dealer, you know that right?" He says trying to persuade me. I'm annoyed he touched my arm. I snort as I step out of the car. I don't have to tell this guy anything.

"Look, I was telling you what I'm going to do. Now you can leave, or you can stay and take me home afterwards. The choice is up to you, I don't care what you do either way." I state as I turn and shut the car door. Fully greeted with the cold air again, I make it apparent to move my ass. Moving fast, I reach her door. Turning the knob and discovering it's unlocked, I welcome myself inside. I don't close the door back, and move along in her house. Loud noises roar from upstairs. I'm hit hard when I realize that they are moans.

Being winded, I kneel down and place a hand on the floor and lower my head. This may sound conceited, but I don't freaking deserve this. Yeah, I abuse substances. Yeah, I'm not perfect. But do I deserve shit like this happening to me by the one of the only person I have trusted for six years? Picking myself up, I go to her studio with an image of something in my head. I don't smoke normally, but this situation deserves one. I sit down in one of the hanging chairs, noticing you can hear them really well in here. Sitting back, I smoked the cigarette, and listened to the sounds of them screwing around.

30 minutes pass, along with four cigarettes that have been smoked, courtesy of me. I toss the butts in her floor and leave her studio and make my way up the stairs. Her door is right in front of me and cracked open. Peeking in, I notice her laying at the end of her bed, in white panties, missing a bra and the rest of her clothes. My attention shifts over to Alix, he is also missing his clothes I saw him in earlier. He is wearing pajama pants though. I fester up what bravery I do have and push the door open, stepping inside.

 

I catch his attention making him sit up slightly, I'm not going to cry. Moving closer to the bed, I stare right in his eyes. I want to pierce his soul, but that probably won't happen. Seeing him do this, seeing him like this with another girl, knowing what all he has done, all that he has let me down and betrayed me, makes me sick of what I do on a day to day basis, solely because it revolves around him. It's very apparent that I have wasted 6 years of my pathetic life on him. I felt the tears try and build in my eyes, forcing myself to make my point and leave before I completely shatter.

"Ne-" He whispers, but I interrupt him.

"Don't even say sorry about this or anything because you aren't sorry or you wouldn't have done this. As a person you are sorry, and don't think I'm going to sit around and suddenly be thrown under the bus. Though you have been doing shit like this for awhile, I just didn't care enough, or I was too high to realize it. Then again you are the only person I have ever considered a 'boyfriend' at most, so I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. I do know this though, I cannot be apart of this, or you anymore. As much as I thought I cared for you, I don't after seeing this happen. I'd like to sever ties from you, and you will no longer be my dealer. I broke my main rule for you, and that's doing everything on my own terms. Not anymore. I'm done with you. If you need anything, send one of your goons to do so. I will not speak with you face to face like this anytime soon. Goodbye."

I race out of the house like I was shot in the butt, grinding my teeth to try and keep me calm. To my surprise, Lucian was still outside in his car. Once again greeted by the cold air, I continue to the car. Getting in, he sets down his phone and looks at me. Telling him my original address again, he backs out of the driveway. I nervously keep grinding my teeth as I await to be home. He's wasting no time getting me there though.

"May I ask what happened?" He said quietly, as I watched my surroundings.

"It's over. That's what happened." I stop grinding my teeth to tell him this, even I could tell how shaken I was just by speaking. He stayed quiet until he brought my in front of my house.

Getting out of the car, I thank him. Then He asks a question that caught me off guard.

"Will I ever see you again?"

Whoa. You waste no time. I rush myself to answer to end the conversation, then pulling myself back to realization that he is attractive.

"I may be around." saying this, I push a fake smile at him slightly before turning and going in my house to escape the cold. He drives off, and I'm left all alone.

No pressure to hold myself up in front of somebody. Only pressure is my personal problems, but I can probably mess with this shit tomorrow.